With each passing day you become more malleable.
There's more trouble for OJ Simpson. Now there's been nothing but trouble for the juice ever since June of 1994, when he was suspected of killing his ex wife Nicole Brown Simpson, and her alleged lover Ron Goldman. The pair were found brutally murdered in a slasher type killing. OJ was singled out as the most likely suspect, and that led to a lurid media spectacle that hasn't yet ended.
You will find happiness, then lose it again, then find that you’ve lost it.
Now OJ cheesed off the entire American public by getting away with it. He assembled a dream team of legal heavy artillery, and then sat back quietly smirking in the court room while his mouth pieces talked him out of a jail sentence.People felt cheated out of seeing him get his just desserts. So even though the juice got off, he was more or less a marked man.
Do not trust anyone over thirty or under thirty-one.
Chapter 2 was when Ron Goldman took OJ to civil court and won a 33 mill settlement. They Juice lost everything except his NFL pension. That's a healthy 250 000 a year so OJ still had the where with all to live the high life. He traveled around the country antagonizing folks by showing his face in public, often on golf courses. he found some female companionship, too.
You should not have come here, young one.
The most recent OJ companion was former beautician/cocktail waitress Chris Prody. They enjoyed a colourful relationship in which the Juice was suspected of regularly dishing out physical abuse, and Prody was suspected of being continuously drunk In fact Prody first made the tabs after a viscous Superbowl weekend spat. Apparently she distracted OJ at some crucial point and rumours were that it lead to a physical altercation. An incident the following day seemed to back this up. Chris was at a near by gas station filling up her car when she passed out at the pump. Speculation was that she was suffering some kind of post Superbowl OJ related concussion. As it turned out she was only drunk out of her head.
Trust your enemies, not your friends, for some reason.
While OJ might not have punched Prody out, he is volatile; as events would prove. OJ's next misadventure was down in Vegas, when he stormed a hotel room trying to reclaimed some sports memorabilia. Money was getting hard to some by, and since it was valuable, and had been taken from him illegally (says OJ) he wanted it back. OJ was willing to use any means necessary. That lead to a stand off with guns, and unfortunately for OJ, hidden tape recorders (The guns and the tape recorder were provided by OJ's trusted friend. He apparently was also the one who talked OJ into the heist). When this case came to court the law finally had Simpson dead to rights. He got put away for a long time.
You have an acceptable sense of direction.
That brings us to the latest installment of the OJ Simpson story. Seems OJ's incarceration has put a strain on his Prody relationship. Especially since Prody is now pregnant - but not by Simpson! Seems that when Simpson got sent up Prody started having second thoughts. OJ tried to win her back, basically by repeatedly phoning her up and screaming at her. Strangely this had the opposite effect. In fact it drove Prody out of OJ's residence, and right back to her home town of Fargo, North Dakota. Once back on her home turf Prody put the Juice behind her by taking up with a home town guy, and getting knocked up tout de suite, as the French say.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but the road to heaven is not yet paved due to a stalled ordinance.
Chris is pretty happy about these new developments too. Says Prody by way of a friend, "Being pregnant has given me a whole new outlook on life. I'm so happy. I can hardly wait to be a Mom!" OJ's reaction is something that she will have to wait for. Her former lover isn't due for parole until the year 2017. That's the way the cookie crumbles.
A suitable metaphor for your life is on the horizon.
Might OJ have avoided his sad fate? Well if he'd paid more attention to the signs, possibly. Oh yeah, and avoided killing people. His infamous killing spree has caused the phrases 'going postal' and 'going ballistic' to be replaced by 'going OJ'. However if you don't feel ready for anything so radical as non violence, here's some fractured fortunes by way of the Weeklyworldnews to help you find you way.
A suitable life metaphor is just what the world's been waiting for. It would make a refreshing change from all those pop fiction cliches!
- The bad guy is the foreigner.
- Corollary: the foreigner is the guy who speaks English with an English accent
- The bad guy also has a side-kick muscleman, who has some sort of trademark gimmick that he/she uses to eliminate opponents. You must kill or decomission this muscleman by forcing a backfiring of this trademarked gimmick. If the muscleman dispatched by a different method, he/she is not dead. (For that matter, don't assume that anyone is dead unless their death was spectacular. Beware sequels.)
- No matter how dead you think you've killed a bad guy, he can still get up at least 3 more times. Therefore, always make sure to leave his gun in or near his hand after you've killed him and you turn away to comfort the girl.
- When a villain seems dead, he never is. He will always be allowed one, and sometimes two resurrections. The hero will frequently see him coming, even if his back is turned. If he doesn't, a friend will finish the villain off.
- The bad guy usually kills his henchman for failing, yet don't seem to run out of loyal henchmen.
- Bad guys lurk until their presence is revealed by a flash of lightning.
- You can kill the bad guy by taking careful note of any object that the camera has lingered on for an unnecessarly length of time; typically this is something like a meathook or a jagged bit of glass. You will be involved in a mighty struggle, and at the appropriate time you can become inspired (usually by either an insult from the bad guy or a look of faith from your love interest) with strength enough to force the bad guy into/onto/under/in front of the aforementioned object. Actor's Equity (Hollywood) requires that within 15 seconds either side of the bad guy's demise, you utter your trademark phrase.
- Whenever a villian has captured the hero, he will pause for 5 minutes to tell the hero _every_ detail of his plan to destroy and/or rule the earth, including times, dates, and addresses.
- The bad guy, having finally gotten the good guy into his clutches, will usually spend a few meglomaniac minutes gloating over his victory and his opponent's downfall. This increment of time will prove just enough to allow the good guy to figure a way out of his predicament, or just long enough to allow a rescue attempt.
- The bad guy, instead of simply offing the captured good guy on the spot, will devise some sort of drawn-out, fiendishly clever method of execution that will take enough time to allow the good guy to figure out his escape.
- When a villain seems dead, he never is. He will always be allowed one, and sometimes two resurrections. The hero will frequently see him coming, even if his back is turned. If he doesn't, a friend will finish the villain off.
- You can always tell which nationality the United States and the popular media are currently most unhappy with because that nation sends all their villains to star in Hollywood movies during those times (e.g. Germans in the late 40's and 50's, Asians in the 60's and 70's, Soviets in the 70's and 80's and Middle Easterners in the 90's).
Brash, flash, & totally trash!
Bogus Zen: Hero Complex
"When you enjoy something, you must never let logic get too much in the way. Like the villains in all the James Bond movies. Whenever Bond breaks into the complex: 'Ah, Mr. Bond, welcome, come in. Let me show you my entire evil plan and then put you in a death machine that doesn't work'."
-- Jerry Seinfeld, "Sein Language"
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