2 questions you should ask any celebrity
Not long ago a Mocksure field agent ran into one of Hollywood's most interesting leading men. So they got a chance to ask them all sorts of up close and personal questions, like "What the fuck is going on?", and "Are you for real?" So I am pleased to be able to post the gist of that unauthorized interview. I am also pleased to tell you that the star was Tom Cruise!
Truth or dare: Cruise patrol & confidence games
Our Mocksure agent met Mr Cruise recently while out on patrol. After gaining Cruise's confidence, our operative then posed some deeply personal questions in an attempt to get at what's on Mr Cruise's mind. This is what Tom Cruise had to say:
Mid Life Crisis
"The thing that bugs me most is my marriage. You can't believe what it's like. I sat down and wrote this whole beautiful love story for Katie and me, and then you people go and turn it into a conspiracy theory. I thought it was pretty straight forward: a middle aged man gets tired of his high strung bitchy wife and goes off to find comfort in the arms of an attractive and friendly young woman. Just like Last Tango In Paris!"
I need a script revision!
"Suddenly I start hearing all this talk about secret societies, aliens, mind control, etc. Friends are asking me if I have a transporter beam in my house! The worst, most insulting thing is when total strangers walk up like they know me, and then ask me "Is your wife a robot?" Can you imagine asking some one that "Did you marry a robot?" It's like they thing I'm some kind of a freak! Finally I got so pissed of that one day I told one guy "Yes, my wife is a robot. The real Katie Holmes is in Japan working for the Church of Scientology under a slave contract. David Miscavige says that unless I publicly represent the Church, I'll never see the real Katie again!"
don't take it lying down!
"The result is that our marriage just isn't working out anymore. Katie's pissed because I'm doing Mission Impossible, while she's not doing anything. Mission Impossible is gonna be out soon; and if you managed to sit through SALT, and The Tourist; then you should certainly be able to stand sitting through this!"
stay out of our marriage!
"So this is a hard time for Katie. So the whole conspiracy trip isn't helping. Believe it or not Katie has feelings. She's not a robot, so when she herself referred to as that, it hurts! Even my agent is getting nervous. He says "If you really want to sell this whole straight guy image then you gotta get caught cheating on your wife! Only straight guys cheat on their wives!" I told him "Scientologists never cheat on their wives!" Besides, the lawyers told me that it would violate a no cheat clause in our pre nup and entitle Katie to a long visit at my bank."
what it may lack in love, it makes up in story!
So the upshot is that Tom Cruise is not the simple fellow he portrayed in his films. For instance he's a smooth operator who's fallen into some troubles that haven't been resolved by him finding himself. Also he's married to a beautiful young leading lady, but she's a robot, allegedly. Then, even though gadgets have played as much a part in his films as in the James Bond series, and even though tech has crept into the story in the form of his robot is wife, the only gadget Tom has to defend himself with is an E Meter! In fact he's an indication that a life filled with drama can also be filled with complications! I just hope he manages to rescue Katie from Japan, and over come the evil David Miscavige. I'll see that movie when it comes out, too.
