The Academy Awards are a popularity contest in search of credibility - when trying to predict the winners the key is 'politics'
The Academy Award Nominations are out, & there are no real surprises. There are double noms in the Brangelina household, for Changeling and Benjamin Button. Unless they both win, or lose, then there is bound to be even more stress in that tumultuous relationship. It might be nice if Frank Langella won for Frost/Nixon - he's over due for some serious recognition. However Frankie may not have the major headliner name recognition that the Academy usually favours for best lead. Plus there has been no campaign on his behalf.
Heath Ledger got nom'd for Batman. No surprise there. He is up against Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Robert Downey so he ain't a shoe in. Hoffman's already won for Capote, so that favours Ledger, but Downey has his new wife - an influential Hollywood producer - so you can't rule him out.
Best actress is between Kate Winslett and Anne Hathaway. Hathaway got the CC Award, but Winslett got the GG. Both voting pools belong to the academy, so both actresses are highly favoured. The Critics Choice may prove more influential in the long run, since film makers covet critical acclaim no matter what they say. There been a lot of recent buzz about Winslett - she's been on the talk show circuit. The hype is a sign of a studio campaign on her behalf, but Hathaway is still the odds on favourtite - Winslett is only interesting when she's with Leo DiCaprio - Titanic flashback nostalgia - and so has a doubt future as a long term investment. Hathaway, on the other hand, looks like she has an unlimited future as a member of the Next Hollywood A List. She is starring with Johnny Depp in the new Alice in Wonderland flick. Putting her beside him is a big gesture. Former Hathaway co star Merryl Streep is also nominated, shich means that the increasingly unpopular Angelina Jolie has next to no chance. I hope she's honoured just to be nominated 'cause that's about as far as it's gonna go. Her career is in the tank too.
Violet Davis is a shoe in as best supporting actress. It's seen as a 'second string' award, and so the Academy feels free to give it to a 'promising unknown', and not some chrome plated A Lister in a super hyped movie. That way the Academy gains some well needed credibility. Penelpoe Cruz and Marisa Tomei are also nominated, but unlikely to score. The academy wouldn't piss on Cruz if she was on fire quite frankly.
Best Picture is too close to call.
The Mockie Awards!!!
Now that the BS is out of the way, on too a little spoof award I like to call the Mockies. They're meant to parody an industry that takes it self way too seriously considering that it trades in cliches, special effects, and silicone sex appeal (wait till they have a best botox or best fake boobs category at the Oscars!). Here then are the Mockies -
Best Chicken Fight in an animated series goes to Family Guy Season 5. It was a close one, with Chicken Fight 2 and Original Chicken Fight giving some real competition. Watch the following clip and I think you'll agree that Chicken Fight 3 really brought the art of the chicken fight to new levels.
I think the above will give an uncomfortable feeling of de ja vu, as some of the fight scenes from your favourite flicks flash through your mind. Remember that from now on, over hyped and implausible movie fight scenes are known as "Chicken Fights".
Best Prank Call by a Former Leading Man would go to Jack Nicholson to Black Jack Pizza. It was a toss up between Black Jack Pizza, and Jack Nicholson calls Wafflehouse. Black Jack did manage to reference most of Nicholson's popular work. The old boy gets most of his post Cuckoo Nest lines in there, too!
Jack really is the master of the prank call. They say he only makes them as an excuse to deliver his best known lines. Now to be fair it should be stated that Jack is suffering from a form of dementia that only affects old actors. The main symptom is that they can only communicate using scraps of dialogue from their old films. Since Jack has never ordered a pizza in any of his films, he was at something of a lose. Hopefully, as Hollywood gains awareness of this debilitating condition, they will start to work more day to day stuff into their scripts.
Best Sex Scene Parody goes to Resident Evil. In this clever little piece, scraps of dialogue are lifted from the game to sound like a real movie sex scene. Listen and be convinced!
Now no one knows romance like Hollywood. The advantage this little doozie has over the real fake love scenes is that there is no implausible imagery to go with the dialogue! So this is definitely Mockie material.
As to all those big budget block busters and A List egos that didn't quite make the grade mockwise, I'd tell you that it's an honour just to have been considered except that I know you'd find it patronizing. I'd also tell you to be content with your Oscars, People's Choice Awards, Critics Choice, Golden Globes, Hasty Puddings, etc., except that celebrities have an insatiable love for shiny award statuette and can never get enough of them. I can only say hang on to those acceptance speeches for next year, 'cause really each and everyone one of you deserve a Mockie of your own. Oh yeah, and here's a little musical dedication just for you.
Still, it's not like the decline and fall of Western Entertainment wasn't anticipated. British comedy group The Goodies seem to have foreseen most of it back in the early 70's
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