Looks like Jolie's ex body guard is gonna have some competition with his tell all 'cause pro muck raker Andrew Morton is cooking something up. It's nothing that you haven't heard before, like: Angelina Jolie was a high school misfit who dressed only in black and was called "Spider Lady" by class mates (if I had been her classmate I'd have called her Vincent Price!). By 16 she learned how to seduce older men, and started with her mom's boyfriend! She was obsessed with blood and vampires from an early age, so much so that she wanted to be a mortician (she likes to work with people!), and begged boyfriends to let her taste their blood.There's more. She married Billy Bob Thornton shortly after being released from the nut house. No one knows why she was in, or whether she was committed or admitted voluntarily. She begged him to marry her and threatened to kill herself if he didn't. Since she was playing with knives at he time, BB took her seriously and reluctantly agreed. After that she went onto sleep with chicks, like Jenny Shimizu.
The plot thickens: Jolie was pregnant a few times before she began her career as a super mom - but 'wasn't ready'. She also had her boobs done prior to Tomb Raider. After the movie she changed her mind and had the procedure reversed. Oh yeah, and most damning Jolie admits that she set out to steal Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston and that Mr & Mrs Smith was her means to do so.
Morton claims that he has set out to separate fact from fiction with Jolie. What he seems to have done is gathered together some of the most well known stories about her in one place. He doesn't seem to tangle with the really hot potatoes either - like her mysterious relationship with her brother James Haven. if you'll recall she hooked up with Thornton just after that started hitting the airwaves (Tonight Show Host Jay Leno had a field day with that particular rumour).
Morton also claims that Jolie hasn't collaborated with him in the writing of the book. In fact he claims that he would love to sit down and get her side of things. Sceptics are understandably doubtful about this. With her body guard poised to release a tell all exposing her drug use and her other wicked ways that Morton doesn't come within a half a mile of approaching, the idea that Morton's book is a diversionary tactic does cross the mind. The unflattering Aniston revelation might have just been added to lend the book credibility (the way desperate criminals will confess to a lesser crime to give their alibi credibility). Besides every one already knew that.
Morton's book doesn't sound like a no holds barred deal. It will be interesting to see whether it derails the far more promising bio done by her former minder. Personally I'll be waiting for the body guard's version. Maybe he will shed some light on the stuff Morton doesn't want to touch, like whether or not Pitt and Jolie are really on the verge of a bust up!
Bogus Zen: Life's an excellent teacher, but it takes humility to learn.
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